Day 23

"Who is driving the bus?" Pegi has asked me that question over and over again. It has taken me the longest time to finally get it! Sure, I always said that it was my 4-year old 'self'. But, I really didn't get it. I didn't understand that when 4 year old 'me' is driving the bus I am not being true to myself; my hopes, dreams, aspirations, desires, and abilities!

When I'm stubborn and can't verbalize rationally, it is my inner 4 year old that is digging in her heels and saying 'no' or even sometimes saying 'yes' when she should really be saying no! Understanding who is driving the bus has freed me to explore my honest feelings to situations or 'requests' from my family. I don't have to say yes out of a feeling of guilt. I can say no because it is the right thing to say.

I also feel that moving forward, I will be able to respond more clearly, not do so much back peddling. One of the issues I have with my son is that I bargain too much. Then, because I did so much negotiating or restating a request, I often forget the details we agreed upon. That doesn't help either of us. My son is unclear about what I expect and I'm unclear about what to expect. Keeping commitments, clearly stating the task, conditions, or expectations will help us communicate and to have a healthier relationship. I'm revoking my inner 4 year olds driver's license today!